Why do so many people forget that men are military spouses too?
For some reason the title of military spouse has this assumption that you are talking about a wife, when in actuality the number of women in the military is growing. In Military One Source’s 2012 Demographics Report it was reported that “202,876 [women] comprise 14.6% of the DoD Active Duty force”. The report also states that 45% of the female DoD Active military force was currently married. When you look at the numbers, 45% of 202,876 is 91,294.2. That means there were somewhere around 92,000 male military spouses in 2012.
With 92,000 male spouses why is there not more spouse group actives that are geared to both males and females? Any spouse that has been part of a spouses group knows there are lunch-ins and events that are often stereotypically geared towards the military wife. I have attended tea parties, derby inspired lunches where I’ve be encouraged to wear my biggest and best derby style hat, ornament exchanges, and even a little black dress ball.
I know majority of spouse groups are set in tradition, tradition that has been passed down for generations. I am in no way suggesting that we do away with the traditional functions. I am only suggesting that we branch beyond traditional and make a real effort to include all spouses into our spouse groups.
I believe it is time we open our eyes and our minds and start making our male military spouses feel more welcome at our spouse club events. Lets add some male friendly actives and clubs. Maybe add a beer club to go along with wine club, attend a sporting event, or even start a monthly golf club. I personally would enjoy being part of all of those activities.
Even adding completely neutral actives I think would make our male spouses feel more welcome, like trips to playgrounds and zoos. Recently our spouses group planned a trip to a local animal park where the kids enjoyed seeing exotic animals, spending time in the petting area with the overly friendly goats, and playing on the playground. It gave the kids a great opportunity to play and get out some pent up energy while the adults got some much needed grow-up time. Activities like this are gender neutral, and a great way to get out in the community.
Lets remember that we are all in this together. We are all supporting someone that is serving our country. At some point as spouses we all need a friend and support system, regardless of gender.
This is great! Personal I would have more fun at the gender neutral events than the traditionally girlie ones because I’m no particularly girlie! And I know my ex felt really weird being one of the few male spouses at family events on base and would get really annoyed when people assumed he was the military member and not me.
I know a lot of military husbands that have those same feelings. In my opinion it is time to embrace all military spouses!
I agree! I am seeing more and more male military spouses, and I think it is great! Military spouses have been seen as a women’s only club and it is time to end & change that.
http://www.justamilitaryfamily.com
I am so happy to see so many people are noticing the male spouses too!
I was on the board of the spouses club at our last base, and there were actually two male spouses also on the board and it was great. A lot of the events planned for the group as a whole were very inclusive for the entire family, so that military members and spouses, regardless of gender, felt comfortable attending.
You make a good point there about the “neutral” activities like the zoo. Anytime I have mentioned groups focusing on “tea parties” I get the obligatory “We had a beer tasting back in 2009!” response. I don’t drink a lot of beer. I don’t really like it. The thing is though is that the military is made up of people from all walks of life. There are women who play golf, women who enjoy fishing and women who watch football. By expanding the list of activities to include more diverse options, groups would not only see an increase in male participation but also more women may be drawn to attend and it would also serve to provide some fun activities to round out someone’s experiences as a military spouse.
I agree 100% that a wider range of activities would bring in a wider range of military spouses of both genders! I think its important to remember tradition, but it is also important to grow and evolve.
I agree with a wider range, but the only way it’s going to change is if you show up with fellow male spouses and volunteer to head up that committee! It’s all volunteer so let’s get those going. Women are notoriously going to do what they know.. Id love to have a beer tasting group. Some bases have had golf groups and bowling groups. Just tell me where or when! 2 assignments ago the club president was a man. He made some nice changes but would also come to the tea parties decked out in his Sunday best. It was awesome. We know you are out there, so come on out and help make that change!! We will welcome you and your ideas.
Exactly, its not completely on the shoulders of military wives, the husbands have to want to participate!
How about this? More people need to volunteer. If everybody with these awesome ideas stood up and said “hey, I’ll host a coffee/social, I’m doing whatever theme….”, then people would probably be all for it! In the last few units I’ve been in, most coffees are hosted by the same 5-6 people. Those same 5-6 people are the ones who are so over volunteered, you kinda get what you get. So yeah, if you aren’t happy with what’s out there, get out there and volunteer and MAKE THAT CHANGE HAPPEN instead of sitting back and waiting for it and then complaining when it doesn’t. It’s annoying. I think our unit has probably less than 10 male spouses. I’ve never once seen them at the gender neutral events, the actual military events (changes of command, etc…) so it’s hard to feel sorry for them based on my experience.
Spouses group only work with volunteers, and every spouses group I have ever been in is always need in more volunteers. Stepping up to help facilitate change is important, but people being opening to change is also important. I’ve been lucky enough to be at a few bases where the male military spouses have wanted to participate, and have participated. I wrote this post after talking to one of them, who said, they show up to things but are often looked at funny for coming, and they wish they didn’t feel like such an outcast.