5 Tips for dating your military significant other

Dating someone who has chosen to serve their country comes with some unique relationship challenges. Challenges that you can’t prepare for, they are ones you will have to handle when they happen. I was the girlfriend of someone in the military once, many military wives were. While I was a dating my husband I had to learn the ins and outs of being on a base, attending a dining out, as well as other work events. I also experienced a deployment and PCS move.  I would like to share 5 tips for dating someone in the military for all of those military girlfriends and boyfriends out there that have so many questions and concerns:

1. Be Patient:  Being patient will be a daily requirement. Working hours can he hectic and can change at any time. There can be situations that will requite your significant other to work long shifts with no warning. During deployments you could go days or weeks between hearing form your significant other. Your significant other could come home one day and tell you they are (a.) Deploying (it could be today, a week form now, next month or in six months) (b.) Going TDY (a work trip that could last for a few days up to a few months) (c.) Moving or any combination of the above! Making plans too far in the future could change, nothing is ever a certain, because of this being patient with your significant other is extremely important. The military lifestyle is challenging and you need to be patient enough to handle everything that will be thrown at you!
2. Holding Hands and PDA in Uniform are not okay: This is a rule. A rule that is written in the military handbooks. Don’t be offended when you boyfriend/girlfriend won’t hold your hand or give you a kiss while they are in uniform, it isn’t allowed. Period.
3. There is a lot of information you will not be privileged to: Some of this doesn’t change when you go from dating to married. A lot of the time your significant other will not be able to share information with you, they won’t be able to tell you about their day and sometimes when they are deployed you won’t even be allowed to know where they are.
4. Be Understanding: You have to be understanding, a lot of the time your significant other will be put into situations that will not be their choice. My husband left for training and a deployment 2 weeks after returning from our honeymoon, it was something he had to do, and getting angry with him wouldn’t change anything. It is part of being in a relationship with someone in the military. It is also important to understand that the military will come first, even at the most inconvenient times.
5. Being Supportive is Key: There are countless ways you can be supportive. You can be supportive by being understanding and patient, by telling your significant other you are proud of them and what they do, by making them care packages while they are away and by just being someone that is there for them anytime they need you.  Being supportive is such an important aspect of all relationships, with military relationships it is a necessity. You may be one of the few constants in their life and being there to support them is one of the greatest things you can do for them.

Dating someone in the military will help you learn if being married to someone in the military is a lifestyle that you can handle. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay. During the first deployment I questioned if this was the life I wanted, however when he stepped off the plane and I saw him for the first time in months, I knew he was the one. I realized dating or even being married to someone in the military takes work, just like any other relationship, and being with someone that makes you happy is the most important part!

Military Spouse.com can be a great resource even for those boyfriends/girlfriends out there!

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