I was reading one the most recent articles on militaryspouse.com, “Military Life Made Me Question My Identity”. In this article (http://militaryspouse.com/military-life/military-life-made-me-question-my-identity/)  the writer focused on “three surprisingly simple aspects of military life that may be causing you to question your professional identity.” I think these three aspects is something military spouses everywhere can identify with, and can agree these things can “change” you in ways you never expected. They can make you question not only who you are professionally, but who you are personally and who you want to become. I am going to take her,  “Three surprisingly simple aspects of the military life”, and share some ways these aspects have effected my life.

First aspect of military life is, “We adapt….a lot”. I have adapted to the military lifestyle more times than I can count.

• While my husband and I were dating I would ask endless questions that to someone in the military seemed silly, my husband was always joking that I “made his head hurt”. I took this as a compliment, it was a honor to make him shake is head and laugh at my complete lack of understand of being around the military. The more time we spent together the more I adapted, the more I understood, and could figure things out on my own. Jut the other day someone was talking about what schooling they had just attended, when out of no where I asked, “oh is that the AFIT of the Navy”. With a little laugh and a big smile he confirmed that is exactly what it was. I shocked everyone around us, including myself. I have no idea how I knew that!
• When it comes to deployments spouses have no choice but to adapt. During the first deployment of our marriage I learned that sometimes you will have to figure out how to fix something on your own, you will attempt to do something you might never have thought your would try.
  • I learned that when it comes to “fixing” a washing machine it is important to watch the entire YouTube Video and pay attention to the part where you drain the washer before taking that little piece off, because your laundry room and kitchen will flood and your dog will love running throughout the house covered in smelly soapy water.
  • I learned what a carotid car battery looks like and that calling your father who is in China on business will not & cannot fix this one for you. I believe my fathers exact words on many different occasions were, “what the hell do you want me to do about it, I can’t see it, no sending me a picture won’t help, Tara call someone other than me.”
  • One of the greatest lessons I learned that deployment was if the water faucet on the side of the house is giving you trouble it is important to not attempt to embody the incredible hulk and use your “big girl” strength to turn it on, because you will break that faucet off the side of your house and water will shot out at an alarming rate. I was never very good at asking for help (from anyone other than family) however that day I learned that sometimes you need to ask for help. I had a wonderful neighbor that was nice enough to not only show me where to find the water turn of valve was, but to also help me put a new faucet on the side of the house.
• When your spouse deploys you have to adapt to living alone or becoming a temporary single parent, then when they return everything is supposed to just go back to “normal”. It is not easy to constantly adapt from being alone to having someone there and letting go of the little things that used to be “your thing”. This also happens every time your spouse PCSs or changes jobs within your current base, their hours change, the work load changes and because of that your responsibilities also change. That constant adjustment to adapt to your spouses schedule can make anyone question who they are.
• I have had to accept that it doesn’t matter the amount of planning that goes into a future trip or event, there is always a 50% chance that the military will throw you a curve ball that will negate all your planning and you will have to start over yet again.
• I learned having a hospital and doctors that you love during your pregnancy does not guarantee you will get to deliver there. We were stationed in Ohio when I first became pregnant. At 6 months pregnant my husband brought home PCS orders. We would be moving in the next month. I would have to give birth in a new hospital in a new state with new doctors if I wanted to move with my husband and have him at the delivery (and I did). I had no birth plan, had only meet two doctors (none which would be part of my delivery team) and had never even seen the Labor and Delivery floor before our daughter entered this world. The old me would have freaked out about all of this, but the new “adapted” me couldn’t help but laugh.

Military spouses adapt so that they can function is this ever changing lifestyle. You can’t plan for the future because it will change in more ways than you can imagine. All we can do is put a smile on our face and roll with the changes. Adapting is the only constant part of being married to someone in the military. Constant adapting to be there to support your spouse can make even the strongest individuals question who they are as an individual. So military spouses everywhere repeat after me, “I am ME and it is okay that I don’t always know who that is”!

Check back later this week when I discuss the next two aspects: “We interact with a lot of different types of people” & “We are mobile”!